Socrates gets Tenure
I've been remiss in posting to this journal, despite the flurry of ideas - both new and backlogged from more than a year ago - that have inspired the muse. Work and an increasing cynicism with the university setting have taken their toll on me; not too long ago, I might have brushed this off as just a temporary setback, but it seems nowadays I grow more and more convinced that the ennui is a symptom of an underlying, pervasive, and integrally fatal flaw with the system itself.
So, as is my mind's wont when it finds itself pitted against a dilemma it cannot resolve, a character emerges from the depths of imagination, woven to "act out," if you will, an alternative reality that rebels against the current scheme. A satire with (I hope) all the trappings of Greek irony wrapped up in modern day humor. I'll spare you the pretentious introduction and get to the title of this piece - Socrates gets Tenure.
Yes, take our favorite Greek philosopher and transport him from the halls of Athens to those of any modern-day college (a liberal arts one for added irony), with all the trials and tribulations that face every newly minted professor traversing the bowels of the education system. Let the administration review his application for tenure, let them assign him classes, critique his research, let the true politics of this university that we speak of come to light when the philosopher whose work stands at the center of the School of Athens (having been a mentor to Plato) is only recognized as that curious old man with his outdated, idealistic concepts about teaching and dialogue.
With regards to the actual details of the story, I am unfortunately vague, although several scenes come sequentially to light. The first, a meeting of the administration to review his application - questions about his interests (too broad, they say, and current trends in philosophy steer away from such purist interpretations), his publications (all transcriptions by a single student? Not a journal to be printed in?), his qualifications for the job (certainly questionable, given he never officially received a degree - though it does take a...unique sort of man to face off against the highest politicians in Greece). Ultimately his application would have been unanimously rejected, if not for the university's need for funding of its philosophy department...parading a guest professor, who apparently achieved some fame in his home country, around campus when the solicitations went out would certainly be beneficial (not to mention bolstering their diversity agenda).
Besides which, Socrates never did name a salary figure.
Conditioning his entrance on his political clashes with the rhetoricians and the heads of state, the school quickly regrets its mistake. This old man, stolidly walking the grounds in his old robes and sandals, never once writing down his contemplations, who when asked why his entire PHIL100 class is sitting outside on the mall with bread and wine (Heaven forbid!) rather than studiously pursuing the curriculum, replied simply that they were "helping him with his research." But they are not graduate students! comes the response. If you needed an assistant, we could have easily procured several Ph.D candidates from within the department. And Socrates would proceed to question them on the merits of this ranking, or rather, the merits of teaching based on this ranking via some strange "degree" the university conjured. Isn't the meaning of a good life universal? What about love? If I were to seek the nature of Eros, I should most certainly question those who have experienced it firsthand. But they are not ready, the perplexed bureaucrat replies, it's just not done...though he cannot say why. And in the ensuing Gorgias, clarity shines down on who is truly the one who lies unprepared.
Of course, Socrates himself is not exempt from this clash of ideals. A visit to the Greek societies of today would be eye-opening, and I can see another Plato's Symposium coming of this (he is, after all, said to be able to hold his alcohol quite well). On the other hand, his political views would probably draw unwanted attention...the philosopher king, so imagined, must rub several groups on campus the wrong way. Obtuse assignments, refusal to grade; hah, his Pick-A-Prof profile must be a comedy in itself. But ultimately, I believe the students will warm to him - this creature of the ivory tower, yet apart from it - and find some commonality with Socrates that they could never achieve with the other professors, so intrinsically linked as they are to the intellectual hierarchy of the university.
Two characters come to mind at this point: one, a senior who majored in Undecided and minored in Getting a Job, would be particularly drawn to this unconventional man...and perhaps even become his Plato in the modern world, recording Socrates' exploits. Having spent his entire life doing what others told him would make him successful (but without ever knowing, or daring to voice what he truly cared for), he reaches his final semester and suddenly balks at departing. Not because he cares for the school, you see, but rather because remaining in stasis is the least difficult of the choices - retaking old classes, avoiding the final credits, sitting in a loophole of the bureaucracy so they can never quite force him out. Several semesters go by like this, with the university getting more and more irate, until he meets Socrates...and a profound change begins. I'll leave the details for another time. The other character I'd like to include is the solitary ancient Greek philosophy professor, a bit wearied by the system, discontent, unable quite to level with his colleagues the same way over research anymore, as narrow and abstract as it has become, when philosophy originally was about very much the entire world. He is the only one who recognizes Socrates for who he truly is - suspects, at first, but suspicions confirmed over time and deed. As he tries to mediate between our visitor from Athens and the administration, gradually he recognizes the futility of the entire arrangement.
In the end, as the title suggests, Socrates does indeed get tenure - after being denied again and again, nearly fired several times, it is ultimately an inane and utterly serendipitous, if you could call it that, side effect of his actions at the university that lead to his approval by the review board. (I haven't yet come up with a suitably ironic twist yet, though I've been mulling several possibilities). And what does he do then? Why, reject it, of course! As politely and impertinently as he always has in the dialogues rejected such offerings from above. It turns out another person was submitting that application for him, unaware, to prove a point that only he knew.
But now, he must return to Greece. A true philosopher, Socrates says, is not bound by the walls of a single institution - he, by his very nature, cannot exist in an institution. The knowledge he pursues cannot be discovered by simply wading among the insular books.
And that is why, though he has certainly enjoyed this dance with the paper trail here (tongue firmly in cheek), he must regretfully turn down the offer of a place within these ivory doors.
So, as is my mind's wont when it finds itself pitted against a dilemma it cannot resolve, a character emerges from the depths of imagination, woven to "act out," if you will, an alternative reality that rebels against the current scheme. A satire with (I hope) all the trappings of Greek irony wrapped up in modern day humor. I'll spare you the pretentious introduction and get to the title of this piece - Socrates gets Tenure.
Yes, take our favorite Greek philosopher and transport him from the halls of Athens to those of any modern-day college (a liberal arts one for added irony), with all the trials and tribulations that face every newly minted professor traversing the bowels of the education system. Let the administration review his application for tenure, let them assign him classes, critique his research, let the true politics of this university that we speak of come to light when the philosopher whose work stands at the center of the School of Athens (having been a mentor to Plato) is only recognized as that curious old man with his outdated, idealistic concepts about teaching and dialogue.
With regards to the actual details of the story, I am unfortunately vague, although several scenes come sequentially to light. The first, a meeting of the administration to review his application - questions about his interests (too broad, they say, and current trends in philosophy steer away from such purist interpretations), his publications (all transcriptions by a single student? Not a journal to be printed in?), his qualifications for the job (certainly questionable, given he never officially received a degree - though it does take a...unique sort of man to face off against the highest politicians in Greece). Ultimately his application would have been unanimously rejected, if not for the university's need for funding of its philosophy department...parading a guest professor, who apparently achieved some fame in his home country, around campus when the solicitations went out would certainly be beneficial (not to mention bolstering their diversity agenda).
Besides which, Socrates never did name a salary figure.
Conditioning his entrance on his political clashes with the rhetoricians and the heads of state, the school quickly regrets its mistake. This old man, stolidly walking the grounds in his old robes and sandals, never once writing down his contemplations, who when asked why his entire PHIL100 class is sitting outside on the mall with bread and wine (Heaven forbid!) rather than studiously pursuing the curriculum, replied simply that they were "helping him with his research." But they are not graduate students! comes the response. If you needed an assistant, we could have easily procured several Ph.D candidates from within the department. And Socrates would proceed to question them on the merits of this ranking, or rather, the merits of teaching based on this ranking via some strange "degree" the university conjured. Isn't the meaning of a good life universal? What about love? If I were to seek the nature of Eros, I should most certainly question those who have experienced it firsthand. But they are not ready, the perplexed bureaucrat replies, it's just not done...though he cannot say why. And in the ensuing Gorgias, clarity shines down on who is truly the one who lies unprepared.
Of course, Socrates himself is not exempt from this clash of ideals. A visit to the Greek societies of today would be eye-opening, and I can see another Plato's Symposium coming of this (he is, after all, said to be able to hold his alcohol quite well). On the other hand, his political views would probably draw unwanted attention...the philosopher king, so imagined, must rub several groups on campus the wrong way. Obtuse assignments, refusal to grade; hah, his Pick-A-Prof profile must be a comedy in itself. But ultimately, I believe the students will warm to him - this creature of the ivory tower, yet apart from it - and find some commonality with Socrates that they could never achieve with the other professors, so intrinsically linked as they are to the intellectual hierarchy of the university.
Two characters come to mind at this point: one, a senior who majored in Undecided and minored in Getting a Job, would be particularly drawn to this unconventional man...and perhaps even become his Plato in the modern world, recording Socrates' exploits. Having spent his entire life doing what others told him would make him successful (but without ever knowing, or daring to voice what he truly cared for), he reaches his final semester and suddenly balks at departing. Not because he cares for the school, you see, but rather because remaining in stasis is the least difficult of the choices - retaking old classes, avoiding the final credits, sitting in a loophole of the bureaucracy so they can never quite force him out. Several semesters go by like this, with the university getting more and more irate, until he meets Socrates...and a profound change begins. I'll leave the details for another time. The other character I'd like to include is the solitary ancient Greek philosophy professor, a bit wearied by the system, discontent, unable quite to level with his colleagues the same way over research anymore, as narrow and abstract as it has become, when philosophy originally was about very much the entire world. He is the only one who recognizes Socrates for who he truly is - suspects, at first, but suspicions confirmed over time and deed. As he tries to mediate between our visitor from Athens and the administration, gradually he recognizes the futility of the entire arrangement.
In the end, as the title suggests, Socrates does indeed get tenure - after being denied again and again, nearly fired several times, it is ultimately an inane and utterly serendipitous, if you could call it that, side effect of his actions at the university that lead to his approval by the review board. (I haven't yet come up with a suitably ironic twist yet, though I've been mulling several possibilities). And what does he do then? Why, reject it, of course! As politely and impertinently as he always has in the dialogues rejected such offerings from above. It turns out another person was submitting that application for him, unaware, to prove a point that only he knew.
But now, he must return to Greece. A true philosopher, Socrates says, is not bound by the walls of a single institution - he, by his very nature, cannot exist in an institution. The knowledge he pursues cannot be discovered by simply wading among the insular books.
And that is why, though he has certainly enjoyed this dance with the paper trail here (tongue firmly in cheek), he must regretfully turn down the offer of a place within these ivory doors.
Labels: fiction, philosophy
posted by Anqi | 5:48 PM
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